if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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