wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
