i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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