her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
