why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
