At least make sure they are 18
Why
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
