Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
