You're so nebulous sometimes
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
