you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I understand Curling. That high.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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