It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
