They should really pass out barf bags in church
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
We're too hungover to prance.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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