just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
