K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
