the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
