Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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