i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
We left an ass print on the piano.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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