a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Come on in and take your pants off
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