We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
