I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
