Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
