I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
