I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
