Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
