haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Randomize
