I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
My life is pants optional.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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