Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
