im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
