CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
