it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
