Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
