I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
