During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
My dick has a subreddit
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
