I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Someone signed my nipple.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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