why im i the only drunk person in the library?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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