"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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