I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
