That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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