Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
