Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
