You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
