"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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