Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
