he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
