now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
