You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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