did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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