i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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