I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
