And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
So here I am, sexting at work.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
