I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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