So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
