You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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